


Yuri! Online

by Clockwork_Mockingbird



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, all hail captain phichit, instagram and chatting are things, phichit is a shit, they all spend a lot of time online okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clockwork_Mockingbird/pseuds/Clockwork_Mockingbird
Summary: In which Phichit and Yuuri talk nearly every day online, Phichit is addicted to Instagram, a little shit, and also captain of the Victuuri ship. poodle_on_ice: you're a terrible friend chit-chat: i am a GREAT friend hashtag phichit&yuuri bff





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't written in over 2 years but I'm totally sucked in. Episode 11 destroyed me and I banged this out in half an hour to cheer myself up. It's just silly. (Oh and when the usernames aren't bolded, it's meant to be Instagram)

**chit-chat:** VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS IN YOUR HOTSPRING

 

**chit-chat:** WHAT IS LIFE

 

_chit-chat is typing_...

 

**chit-chat:** are you alive

 

**chit-chat:** oh god seeing him in person actually killed you

 

**chit-chat:** farewell friend i knew u well hashtag RIP

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** I just

 

**chit-chat:** he lives!

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he was naked

 

**chit-chat:** who was naked?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** so very very naked

 

**chit-chat:** wait

 

**chit-chat:** WAIT

 

**poodle_on_ice:** help

 

**chit-chat:** YOU SAW VICTOR NIKIFOROV NAKED?

 

**chit-chat:** did u take pictures because i need those in my life

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i was too busy trying not to faint

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** lame

 

**chit-chat:** but seriously, dude, my buddy, my guy

 

**chit-chat:** you have victor nikiforov in your hotel

 

**poodle_on_ice:** onsen

 

**chit-chat:** i demand many many pictures of that man

 

* * *

 

**ohmymari:** yo your bf's looking for you

 

**poodle_on_ice:** Nishigori (who is not my bf) is with me...?

 

**ohmymari:** other bf

 

**ohmymari:** _download image_

 

**ohmymari:** doesn't drool as much as vicchan did

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you're not funny

 

**ohmymari:** im hilarious

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** yuuri

 

**chit-chat:** yuuuuuuuuuri

 

**chit-chat:** you can't ignore me forever

 

**chit-chat:** don't make me email you

 

**chit-chat:** not even one sneaky pic of victors ass i'm so disappointed in you how are we even friends

 

**chit-chat:** unless your keeping them for yourself

 

**chit-chat:** yuuri katsuki i demand every picture you have of victor's behind or i will unleash that photo upon instagram and watch you crash and burn

 

**poodle_on_ice:**...what photo

 

**chit-chat:** THAT photo

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you wouldn't

 

**chit-chat:** try me (o wo )

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i didn't take any photos i swear

 

**chit-chat:** no one likes a liar yuuri

 

**poodle_on_ice:** _download image_

 

**chit-chat:** DOGGO

 

**chit-chat:** WHAT A CUTE PRECIOUS DOGGO

 

**chit-chat:** look at the pupper omg

 

**chit-chat:** i accept your offer. the photo remains locked in the vault

 

**poodle_on_ice:** delete that i am begging you

 

**chit-chat:** but what will i use to blackmail you with? :D

 

* * *

 

**makkachinsluv:** Yuuri! It is time for practice! Don't make me start uploading sad instagram photos. I'll do it!

 

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Just waiting on my student! #IceCastle #Alone #waiting5ever #yuurikatsuki #allbymyself #solonely

 

* * *

 

**poodle_on_ice:** how is he so pretty just like i don't understand

 

**chit-chat:** he looks better now than he did at the end of the season

 

**chit-chat:** which isn't possible and yet

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he eats so many pork cutlet bowls and never gains an ounce! hashtag not fair

 

**chit-chat:** if your hotspring was fueled by the fountain of youth youd tell me right

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i am so sick of broccoli

 

**poodle_on_ice:** everything is broccoli

 

**poodle_on_ice:** AM I MADE OF BROCCOLI I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE

 

**chit-chat:** embrace your inner vegetable

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh god

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i just realized my entire sexuality is food

 

**poodle_on_ice:** just end me now

 

**chit-chat:** what was that stupid commercial we saw in detroit all the time

 

**chit-chat:** with the ice cream thing

 

**chit-chat:** what would you doo-ooo-ooooo for a klondike bar :D

 

**poodle_on_ice:** I'm supposed to be a tasty pork cutlet bowl

 

**chit-chat:** aw yeah

 

**chit-chat:** let victor get a taste of that meat

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

_poodle_on_ice has left the chat_

 

**chit-chat:** OH COME ON THAT WAS A GOOD ONE

 

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Smile for the camera Makkachin! #greatestdogever #dogoftheday #socute #dogsofinstagram

 

* * *

 

 

**YuriP:** Oy piggy. Where is good food around here?

 

**YuriP:** don't ignore me you have to know as fat as you are

 

**YuriP:** FINE I'LL FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN

 

**poodle_on_ice:** how did you even find my screen name

 

**poodle_on_ice:** don't sulk. i'll take you out for ramen

 

**YuriP:** It better be good or i'll crush you

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** aw yeah hot springs on ice champ

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag no guts no glory

 

**poodle_on_ice:** hashtag IS THIS REAL

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag pork cutlet bowl

 

**chit-chat:** there are many many jokes here that i as ur friend am refraining from making

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i appreciate your sacrifice

 

**chit-chat:** you should i've got a good one here about porking and victor's ass that's just going to waste

 

**poodle_on_ice:** what is your obsession with his ass

 

**chit-chat:** have you SEEN that ass?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** yes

 

**poodle_on_ice:** yes i have

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i might have accidentally touched it

 

**chit-chat:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**chit-chat:** WHAT

 

**chit-chat:** WHERE WAS I FOR THIS

 

**chit-chat:** WHY DID YOU NOT INFORM ME IMMEDIATELY

 

**poodle_on_ice:** it was an accident! he was naked and I turned and my hand just landed there and

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh god i touched his ass

 

**chit-chat:** he's naked around you a lot

 

**chit-chat:** AND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY SCANDALOUS PHOTOS

 

**poodle_on_ice:** _download image_

 

**chit-chat:** i accept

 

**chit-chat:** such a good puppy

 

**poodle_on_ice:** youre a simple creature phichit

 

* * *

 

No1VictorFan: OMG this pic of Victor_N17 skating with Yuuri Katsuki gives me LIFE #icantbreathe #socute #datasstho

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** i like the new comp much batter

 

**chit-chat:** *better

 

**chit-chat:** english how do

 

**poodle_on_ice:** the triplets have got to stop sneaking instagram photos of me and victor

 

**chit-chat:** no they give me life

 

**poodle_on_ice:** u just want pictures of him from behind

 

**chit-chat:** i mean yeah

 

**chit-chat:** but also you never update ur instagram unless it's dog pics

 

**poodle_on_ice:** so youre saying i shouldn't post dog pics anymore

 

**chit-chat:** don't play with my heart like that

 

**chit-chat:** i mean post a pic of u! victor posts more pictures of u than u do! which is nice cus now i have a legit reason to stalk him

 

**chit-chat:** but still

 

**poodle_on_ice:** victor posts pictures of me?!

 

**chit-chat:** you didn't know?

 

**chit-chat:** dude when was the last time u checked instagram

 

**chit-chat:** your a hashtag

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag hashtag lol

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag i killed yuuri?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh god

 

**poodle_on_ice:** this is terrible

 

**chit-chat:** what? how is this terrible youre trending

 

**chit-chat:** wait which tag did you go in

 

**poodle_on_ice:** they hate me

 

**chit-chat:** wait no stop

 

**poodle_on_ice:** what is he doing here he should be skating

 

**chit-chat:** NO NO YUURI WAIT LISTEN

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** they're right tho

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he's wasting his talent on me

 

**chit-chat:** boy don't make me smack you.

 

**chit-chat:** lemme tell u a thing mkay

 

**chit-chat:** you are a super talented monkey with great skating grace and five time skating god victor nikiforov decided that he agreed with that statement and swam from russia to japan to coach u

 

**poodle_on_ice:** pretty sure he flew actually

 

**chit-chat:** idc if he walked the point is he's there cus he wants to train u

 

**chit-chat:** also be naked around u that's a thing

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you're a terrible friend

 

**chit-chat:** i am a GREAT friend hashtag phichit&yuuri bff

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you just want another pic of makkachin

 

**chit-chat:** i mean

 

**chit-chat:** i wouldn't say NO

 

**poodle_on_ice:** _download image_

 

**chit-chat:** ASDFGHJKL

 

**chit-chat:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

**chit-chat:** YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T TAKE ANY NAKED PICTURES

 

**poodle_on_ice:** breathe XD

 

**poodle_on_ice:** mari took it

 

**poodle_on_ice:** and he's not naked. just shirtless

 

**chit-chat:** brb dying

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag goodbye world

 

**chit-chat:** i offically luv your sis

 

**poodle_on_ice:** ew dude don't be gross

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag phichit&victors ass 5ever


	2. Chapter 2

**poodle_on_ice** : he's sad

 

**chit-chat:** who

 

**poodle_on_ice:** victor. idk why but he's sad. or at least sad-ish

 

**chit-chat:** he's just upset he can't get any of that smexy pork cutlet bowl ayyyy

 

**poodle_on_ice:** your impossible

 

**chit-chat:** hahaha okay for serious

 

**chit-chat:** why do u think he's sad

 

**chit-chat:** ish

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i think he misses skating. not coaching but skating and winning medals and the glory

 

**poodle_on_ice:** what did that reporter say "top of the world only to fall into coaching for a third-rate skater"

 

**chit-chat:** um excuse me but who is the third rate skater cus u sure as hell aren't talking about u hashtag SHUT YOUR MOUTH

 

**chit-chat:** also u know the rule! no watching fox news!

 

**chit-chat:** i demand a new instagram selfie to be posted as punishment.

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** if u know that's from fox that means you watched it too and u know what that means

 

**poodle_on_ice:** no instagram for u

 

**chit-chat:** BUT HOW WILL I SEE THE DOG PICTURES

 

**poodle_on_ice:** hashtag them's the rules

 

**chit-chat:** selfie, now. then i will uphold my promise and

 

**chit-chat:** gulp

 

**chit-chat:** i won't get on my instagram for

 

**chit-chat:** twenty

 

**chit-chat:** four

 

**chit-chat:** hours

 

**poodle_on_ice:** there there

 

**chit-chat:** all those poor unloved dog photos. waiting for my like. a like that will never come

 

**poodle_on_ice:** so dramatic

 

**chit-chat:** HOW CAN YOU DEPRIVE ME OF DOGS YUURI

 

**chit-chat:** WHAT IS THIS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT. THIS BETRAYAL FROM A FRIEND

 

**poodle_on_ice:** its for ur own good.

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** i'm not seeing a selfie over here yuuri. for shame for shame

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag waiting

 

**poodle_on_ice:** fiiiiiiiine

* * *

 

KatsukiYuuri: How does instagram work again? #selfie #tired #areyouhappynowphichit #AREYOU

 

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Ah! My Yuuri skating away, and finally being active on social media. What a man! #socute #yuurikatsuki #timetobeacoach

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** dude i'm gonna die

 

**chit-chat:** victor called u cute

 

**chit-chat:** ur trending again

 

**chit-chat:** IT WAS TEN MINUTES AGO WTF

 

**chit-chat:** wow youre on fb trending now too

 

**chit-chat:** im off my instagram account i swear

 

**chit-chat:** but fb is running with this pic

 

**chit-chat:** yuuri

 

**chit-chat:** yuuri

 

**chit-chat:** DONT IGNORE ME UR IDOL JUST CALLED U CUTE DO SOMETHING

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Student and coach ready for action! #dancing #hugs #yuuriwhatisyourhair #thoseeyes #thatsmile

 

* * *

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit how many instagram accounts do u have

 

**chit-chat:** possibly more than one

 

**chit-chat:** but definitely no more than five ;3

 

**poodle_on_ice:** PHICHIT

 

**chit-chat:** U NEVER SAID WHICH INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT I HAD TO STAY OFF OF

 

**chit-chat:** LOOPHOLE FTW MUWAHAHAHA

 

**poodle_on_ice:** so i can assume SexyShirtlessVictor is you?

 

**chit-chat:** what? NO? I NEED A LINK RIGHT NOW

 

**poodle_on_ice:** no way. no instagram for 24 hours. that's the rule

 

**chit-chat:** i need to be following that account like yesterday hashtag NEED

 

**poodle_on_ice:** u can wait till tomorrow oh my god

 

**chit-chat:** cruel and unusual punishment yuuri. cruel and unusual.

 

**poodle_on_ice:** _download image_

 

**chit-chat:** omfg what a cute dog look at those curls hello makkachin so cute yis

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** dear god that account is beautiful

 

**poodle_on_ice:** are u sure its not u

 

**chit-chat:** uh most of those are from ur hotspring so it obvs can't be me

 

**poodle_on_ice:** unless you're thinking with portals.

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag nerd

 

**chit-chat:** are you sure it's not YOU?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** I AM IN SOME OF THOSE PICTURES HOW COULD IT BE ME TAKING THEM

 

**chit-chat:** i dunno a super long selfie stick

 

**chit-chat:** dude ur in better shape than u were last year i swear u have an 8 pack getting started

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh god

 

**chit-chat:** i mean victor's is much more impressive don't get me wrong but youre both fine

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i'm going to bed before u start creeping on ME

 

**chit-chat:** seriously how do u do that i can barely manage a four pack TELL ME UR WAYS O WISE ONE

 

**poodle_on_ice:** GOOD NIGHT PHICHIT

* * *

 

**makkachinsluv:** Yuuri! Come into my room!

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you could just come get me you know you don't have to message me

 

**makkachinsluv:** I could but where's the fun in that? Come, makkachin has something to show you. He's very nervous about it.

 

**poodle_on_ice:** is he now

 

**makkachinsluv:** _download image_

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh my god

 

**poodle_on_ice:** what did you do to poor makkachin?!

 

**makkachinsluv:** Now now don't get all high and mighty. I can hear you laughing from here!

 

**poodle_on_ice:** HE'S WEARING YOUR GRAND PRIX OUTFIT

 

**makkachinsluv:** He is so handsome! He wants you to do your best! He wanted to wear this to make you happy. He was very insistent upon it :)

 

**makkachinsluv:** Now come let me take a picture with the two of you. I must put this on instagram immediately. The world should know of makkachin's love and support!

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Makkachin wants Yuuri to do his best. We all know he can! #dogsofinstagram #cuties #yuuri #sohandsome #lookatthatsmile

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** dude victor has got to stop breaking instagram

 

**poodle_on_ice:** _download image_

 

**chit-chat:** LOOK AT HIS LITTLE TAIL IN THE MESH OH MY GAWD

 

**chit-chat:** I esp like the photo of all 3 of u

 

**poodle_on_ice:** 3 of us?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i knew it. the onsen is haunted

 

**poodle_on_ice:** save me phichit

 

**chit-chat:** *ghostly wails*

 

**chit-chat:** lol no the one where ur on the floor laughing ur ass off and victor's beside u? ur busting a gut and holding ur stomach and he's doubled over and makkachin is sprawled over both of u

 

**chit-chat:** in that blue outfit of victor's. wagging his tail. LOOKING SO GODDAMN CUTE

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i don't think victor took that one?

 

**chit-chat:** oop yeah mari posted it my bad fam

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh god

 

**chit-chat:** THESE TAGS THOUGH AHAHAHAHA

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i don't wanna know

 

**poodle_on_ice:** yes i do

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** no i don't

 

**chit-chat:** #thedogisthecuteonehere #bums #noonedoesanyworkaroundhere #assholes #lookatthesecuteassholes

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag ADORABLE DOGGO

 

**chit-chat:** and i guess ur okay too

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh thanks so much -_-'

* * *

 

 

**poodle_on_ice:** problem

 

**chit-chat:** problem?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** problem

 

**chit-chat:** oooo. elaborate?

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** victor told me to seduce him

 

**chit-chat:** HASHTAG LAWL

 

**chit-chat:** the gloves are off. he wants some of that pork cutlet bowl

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit i'm really lost here

 

**chit-chat:** what why

 

**chit-chat:** do u not want to seduce victor?

 

**chit-chat:** i mean its fine if u say you dont cause its ur choice but really yuuri no one likes a liar

 

**poodle_on_ice:** DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO SEDUCE

 

**chit-chat:** yes

 

**poodle_on_ice:** exactly!

 

**poodle_on_ice:** wait what

 

**chit-chat:** yuuri

 

**chit-chat:** sweet baby innocent idiot yuuri

 

**poodle_on_ice:** hey!

 

**chit-chat:** what do you THINK you've been doing the entire time you skate? making people hungry? okay well i mean hungry for like actual food and not your pork cutlet YOU KNOW WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY HERE

 

**poodle_on_ice:** well now im hungry

 

**chit-chat:** ;alskfjb'

 

**chit-chat:** focus here!

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag victor wants you

 

**poodle_on_ice:** no

 

**chit-chat:** yes

 

**poodle_on_ice:** NO

 

**chit-chat:** YES

 

**chit-chat:** what has he got to do, kiss you in front of god and everybody?

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag clueless

 

**poodle_on_ice:** hashtag phichit has lost his mind

 

**chit-chat:** mean :P

* * *

 

OhMyMari: Holy crap my brother got kissed on live tv. #getit

 

* * *

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you got gold! congrats man!

 

**poodle_on_ice:** this is so awesome. your first gold medal!

 

**chit-chat:** uh thanks but dude

 

**chit-chat:** my bro

 

**chit-chat:** THAT KISS THO?

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** is victor some kind of psychic sex god or something because when i said kiss you in front of god and everybody i didn't think he'd actually DO IT

 

**chit-chat:** but still hashtag hot

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i might have

 

**poodle_on_ice:** maybe

 

**poodle_on_ice:** kissed him at the hotel

 

**chit-chat:** WHAT

 

**poodle_on_ice:** like

 

**poodle_on_ice:** a lot

 

**chit-chat:** OH MY GOD :DDDD

 

**poodle_on_ice:** im insane

 

**chit-chat:** hell yeah you are. SO INSANE THAT VICTOR HAD TO GET HIM SOME HOLLA

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you promised once you got out of detroit you'd stop saying that

 

**chit-chat:** holla

 

**poodle_on_ice:** PHICHIT

 

**chit-chat:** does this mean i get sexy ass pics now?

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION OKAY

 

* * *

 

PhichitKun: Where my boy at? #yuurikatsuki #youcanthidefromme #IMHEREFOREVER

 

* * *

 

**poodle_on_ice:** dishonor on your whole family

 

**chit-chat:** answer the question and i take it down

 

**poodle_on_ice:** whyyyy do you even have a picture of me with underwear on my head?

 

**chit-chat:** and a dick drawn on ur face don't forget about the dick drawn on ur face

 

**poodle_on_ice:** of course

 

**poodle_on_ice:** how could i forget

 

**chit-chat:** drunk yuuri is a blast. so much blackmail material

 

**poodle_on_ice:** THERE'S MORE THAN ONE PICTURE?

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** nnnnnooooooo?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** hashtag you're dead to me

 

**chit-chat:** u know you love me

 

**chit-chat:** im ur fav

 

**chit-chat:** except for victor. cus i don't wanna stick my tongue down your throat

 

**poodle_on_ice:** how heartbreaking. i will never recover.

 

**chit-chat:** answer the questioooooooooon

 

**poodle_on_ice:** the worst friend ever. hashtag worst.

 

**chit-chat:** the answer is...?

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** ...circumcised.

 

**chit-chat:** I KNEW IT

 

**chit-chat:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GET IT SON

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i'm going to go die now

 

**chit-chat:** have fun. and take lots of pics. for science ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**chit-chat:** okay but real talk whats it like kissing victor i have to know tell me things

 

**chit-chat:** morbid curiosity is winning over common sense

 

**chit-chat:** common sense being i love ya but dont really want to think about ur sex life TOO much other than like YAY U BANGED HAVE A COOKIE

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit it is ONE IN THE MORNING

 

**chit-chat:** yes but have u banged

 

**chit-chat:** punched your v-card

 

**chit-chat:** given victor that sweet sweet pork cutlet bowl

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you are so lucky tomorrows a rest day and i don't actually have to get up in five hours because otherwise i might have to kill you

 

**chit-chat:** YOU CAN'T HIDE THIS FROM ME FOREVER I'LL JUST ASK YOUR SISTER DON'T THINK I WON'T

 

**chit-chat:** also i know u and i know youre dying to talk to someone about it

 

**poodle_on_ice:** I have other people to talk to

 

**chit-chat:** BRO CODE VIOLATION

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i could talk to yuuko! or Takeshi

 

**poodle_on_ice:** okay maybe not takeshi

 

**chit-chat:** i've been brotrayed

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** if i answer questions will you let me sleep

 

**chit-chat:** maybe

 

**chit-chat:** soooooooooooo

 

**chit-chat:** kissing victor nikiforov is like...?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** I have exactly zero ideas of where to even begin answering that

 

**poodle_on_ice:** like -1 ideas

 

**chit-chat:** while youre figuring that out i have something that might cheer ya up. because i must know this things as your buddy your pal your friend because i know u see him naked a lot and i need to know what you do about the nakedness

 

**chit-chat:** _download image_

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you got ANOTHER hamster

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag hamster butt

 

**chit-chat:** are you saying my child is not adorable

 

**poodle_on_ice:** I would never you know he's the cutest

 

**chit-chat:** ok first thing that comes to your head. kissing victor is:

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** its like... it's like kissing someone who knows exactly what he's doing and what he wants. like everything else just melts away till its me and him and nothing else.

 

**poodle_on_ice:** and it's not because he's the five time gold medalist grand prix winner or the best skater in the whole damn world

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he's Victor and he's goofy and dorky and sweet and he babies makkachin like he's his actual child and scarfs down fatty food and lays around like a beached whale afterwards. and he's always trying to get me to go places with him and holding my hand or putting his arm around me and i feel like i'm dreaming half the time

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i just can't believe this is all happening to me. not just having him as a coach because that's already unbelieveable but now

 

**chit-chat:** now he's ur boyfriend

 

**chit-chat:** yuuri and victor sitting in a tree

 

**poodle_on_ice:** hes not my bf

 

**chit-chat:** are u shitting me

 

**poodle_on_ice:** we haven't talked about anything! we just

 

**poodle_on_ice:** we skate and practice and go out sometimes and we kiss a lot and i'm getting better at kissing him instead of just waiting for him to kiss me

 

**poodle_on_ice:** and sometimes some things happen but

 

**chit-chat:** things what things

 

**poodle_on_ice:** idk its too good to be true? like theres no way to know how much longer he'll want to stay with me

 

**chit-chat:** but THINGS??????????

 

**poodle_on_ice:** its all good now and i don't want to jinx it or waste any time but i KNOW it won't last

 

**chit-chat:** YUURI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT THINGS

 

**poodle_on_ice:** LIKE KISSING SHIRTLESS AND KISSING MORE THAN MOUTHS OKAY THOSE KINDS OF THINGS

 

**chit-chat:** omg

 

**chit-chat:** i need a moment to recover from that brb

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit

 

**chit-chat:** wait tf do you mean u don't know how much longer he'll stay with u?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit come on

 

**chit-chat:** what no not come on

 

**chit-chat:** explain slowly and clearly and like i have no idea what u mean

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he's VICTOR

 

**chit-chat:** yah and he's WITH YOU

 

**chit-chat:** do you really think he'd be all over you so much if he was planning on just skipping out on you? jesus does that man seem like someone who ever does anything he doesn't want to?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** thats the point

 

**poodle_on_ice:** how much longer is he going to want to?

 

**chit-chat:** all right okay imma have to kill that man

 

**poodle_on_ice:** wait what

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit come back here!

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** Is this Victor

 

**oywiththepoodlesalready:** wHaT WhO iS tHiS

 

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Rise and shine Yuuri! #sleepingbeauty #socute #lookatthishandsomeman #sunrise

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** Victor?

 

**skate4life:** Hey! Hi, hello who is this? Are you a girl?

 

**chit-chat:** Sorry looking for someone

 

**skate4life:** a/s/l

 

**skate4life:** nudes?

 

* * *

 

**poodle_on_ice:** Is that makkachin i hear barking outside?

 

**makkachinsluv:** Come here. I have something for you.

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** dude what the hell is victor's screen name

 

**chit-chat:** i'm not actually gonna kill him

 

**chit-chat:** mainly because i cant from all the way over here in thailand but i promise i will not kill ur makeout buddy

 

**chit-chat:** even though he's an idiot

 

**poodle_on_ice:** well now i'm not telling u

 

**chit-chat:** he posted a pic of u on instagram

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he does that

 

**chit-chat:** if you look u can see the hickey on ur neck

 

**poodle_on_ice:** what

 

**chit-chat:** yep

 

**poodle_on_ice:** WHAT

 

**chit-chat:** AND NOW THE WORLD WILL WONDER

 

**chit-chat:** WHO GAVE YUURI KATSUKI HIS FIRST HICKEY

 

**poodle_on_ice:** okay but that's not my 1st hickey what are you twelve

 

**chit-chat:** what

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** OMFG THAT PICTURE WAS TAKEN IN VICTOR'S BEDROOM YOU WERE IN HIS BED ASLEEP AND MAKKACHIN WAS CUDDLED UP TO YOU HOW ADORABLE

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** Victor?

 

**VictorSkates:** yea

 

**chit-chat:** oh thank god i have been looking for you everywhere

 

**chit-chat:** dude ur an idiot u know that?

 

**VictorSkates:** who the fuck is this

 

**chit-chat:** oh hell

 

**chit-chat:** your not the right victor

 

**VictorSkates:** get back here you stupid shit and tell me just who you think you are

 

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Shirtless Yuuri, at the fan's request! #hot #sohandsome #lookattheblush #donthide #sopretty

 

* * *

 

**poodle_on_ice:** victor

 

**makkachinsluv:** Yuuri?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** why are there shirtless pictures of me all over the internet

 

**makkachinsluv:** I found that SexyShirtlessVictor account. They take some good photos! Is not you is it?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** of course not!

 

**makkachinsluv:** That is what I thought. What a shame, really. So I decided to make one of you! SexyShirtlessYuuri! You don't have as many followers as I do of course but it gets more and more popular every day

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh my god

 

**makkachinsluv:** I know! We'll take one together and post it on SexyShirtlessYuuri! That will get more people to follow the account :D

 

_poodle_on_ice is typing..._

 

**makkachinsluv:** Yuuri?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** if we're both shirtless we'll be too busy to take photos

 

**makkachinsluv:** I will be there in thirty seconds. Be ready zvezda moya.

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** VICTOR

 

**victoryonice:** excuez-moi? qui est-ce?

 

**chit-chat:** god dammit

 

* * *

 

 

**chit-chat:** i have been looking for days

 

**chit-chat:** I CANNOT FIND VICTOR'S SCREEN NAME

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit

 

**chit-chat:** DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SCREEN NAMES THERE ARE WITH VICTOR IN THEM?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phichit

 

**chit-chat:** I TALKED TO SO MANY VICTORS. SO MANY SKATERS. AND NONE OF THEM WERE VICTOR

 

**poodle_on_ice:** phiiiiichiiiiiiit

 

**chit-chat:** IS VICTOR EVEN REAL DID WE MAKE HIM UP

 

**poodle_on_ice:** _download audio file_ (i.just.had.sex.mp3)

 

**poodle_on_ice:** breeeeeathe

 

**poodle_on_ice:** victor's screen name doesn't have his name OR skating in it.

 

**chit-chat:** you

 

**chit-chat:** dude

 

**chit-chat:** did you really or are you just messing with my heart in the cruelest cruelest way BECAUSE I COULD NOT HANDLE THAT RIGHT NOW DON'T PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS

 

**poodle_on_ice:** hashtag not a virgin

 

**chit-chat:** _recording audio_

 

**chit-chat:** _download audio file_ (AHHHHHHHHHHHH.mp3)

 

**chit-chat:** how was it tell me everything dont u dare just leave me hanging rn dont u dare do that to me explain tell me everything yuuri or i stg i will implode!

 

**poodle_on_ice:** i am not about to give u a play by play

 

**chit-chat:** ew no

 

**chit-chat:** but gush u know u wanna

 

**poodle_on_ice:** ...shut up

 

**poodle_on_ice:** we were just kissing. and then we weren't JUST kissing. and then we were on the bed and there was touching. oh god the touching asdfjllshakjhlk

 

**chit-chat:** WHAT KIND OF TOUCHING UNF

 

**poodle_on_ice:** probably not the kind you want to hear about in minute detail...

 

**chit-chat:** yes okay good

 

**chit-chat:** good?

 

**poodle_on_ice:** very

 

**poodle_on_ice:** very good

 

**chit-chat:** yuusssss

 

_chit-chat is typing..._

 

**chit-chat:** CLICHE QUESTION TIME

 

**poodle_on_ice:** oh god

 

**chit-chat:** did it hurt

 

**poodle_on_ice:** no

 

**poodle_on_ice:** no it was just

 

**poodle_on_ice:** it was perfect

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag here lies phichit, dead from the sap

 

**poodle_on_ice:** makkachinsluv is his screen name. i feel like i can't stop u

 

**chit-chat:** probably not :P

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** Victor

 

**makkachinsluv:** Yes?

 

**chit-chat:** this is yuuri's friend phichit

 

**makkachinsluv:** Oh hello! How are you? I have not seen you since the Cup of China! Yuuri talks about you often. We will see you in Barcelona next week. He is very excited. :D

 

**chit-chat:** yeah i'm looking forward to seeing him again but that's not why i messaged u

 

**chit-chat:** i've known yuuri for a long time, and i know what he's like. we've been talking a lot about the relationship you two are in and i have to ask

 

**chit-chat:** after the season is over what will you do? i won't stand by and let u leave because i know yuuri wouldn't stop u and i know it would destroy him if u do

 

**makkachinsluv:** Would it?

 

**chit-chat:** yuuri's not confident. he never has been. he has never believed that he deserves anything he gets, even if he's earned it. and he's earned u. not just as a coach, but as a boyfriend (which he's still convinced u are not btw)

 

**makkachinsluv:** Wait, what? How could he think that? I'm not seeing anyone else! Why would I?!

 

**chit-chat:** I know that. yuuri might know ur not seeing anyone else but trust me he will need constant confirmation of what u want because he wont let himself believe it

 

**chit-chat:** so whatever u plan on doing u had better make it clear

 

**chit-chat:** idgaf who u are i'll kick ur ass if u break his heart

 

**makkachinsluv:** Yuuri is very lucky to have such a friend as you, Phichit. Thank you. I will take your advice to heart.

 

**makkachinsluv:** We will see you in Barcelona :)

 

* * *

 

Victor_N17: Isn't my boyfriend adorable? I love this man! #boyfriend #dating #sohandsome #heismine #iamhis #love #forever

 

* * *

 

**poodle_on_ice:** you did this

 

**chit-chat:** we are literally about to see each other in like 3 hours why are u messaging me

 

**chit-chat:** what did i do

 

**poodle_on_ice:** victor keeps shouting to the world that he loves me

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he keeps whispering it in my ear

 

**poodle_on_ice:** HE KISSED ME IN FRONT OF REPORTERS

 

**chit-chat:** hashtag go victor

 

**poodle_on_ice:** PHICHIT

 

**chit-chat:** whaaaaaaaaaat

 

**poodle_on_ice:** thanks

 

**chit-chat:** anytime :)

 

**poodle_on_ice:** _download image_

 

**chit-chat:** IS THAT

 

**poodle_on_ice:** it is

 

**chit-chat:** NO :DDDDD

 

**poodle_on_ice:** he posed for it. he insisted

 

**chit-chat:** WHAT A GLORIOUS WONDERFUL AMAZING ASS OH MY GOD

 

**chit-chat:** i can't believe ur tapping that hashtag go yuuri hashtag get it

 

**chit-chat:** _download audio file_ (wedding.march.mp3)

 

**poodle_on_ice:** dont make me revoke ur ass picture privileges

 

**chit-chat:** if u like it u shoulda put a ring on it if u like it u shoulda put a ring on it

 

* * *

 

**chit-chat:** I'M UR BEST MAN RIGHT

 

**poodle_on_ice:** well duh who else

 

**chit-chat:** makkachin

 

**poodle_on_ice:** well makkachin would complain less about the tux...

 

**chit-chat:** what

 

**chit-chat:** no yuuri i'm the best friend so i'm the best man

 

**chit-chat:** U CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOOOOOU

 

**chit-chat:** GET BACK HERE AND TELL ME IM UR BESTIE

 

**chit-chat:** YUUUUUUUUUUUURIIIIIIIIIII


End file.
